Overcoming Fear For an Empowering, Pain-Free BirthDecember 17, 2019
Lisan’s Birth Story
When I heard that Karen had started this facebook group, we weren’t even trying to get pregnant again, but I was super excited to learn more. We were hoping to get pregnant later that year. While I was absorbing all the information and stories Karen was sharing, I was able to analyze my first two birth experiences. I understood and remembered moments where I could have influenced the labor to the better.
All the stories and testimonies helped me realize what was possible and visualize what I would want and how I would do that in my environment.
So the evening of March 14th arrived. I had to pee, and just like every night in these weeks I would check what I felt, but again I felt nothing that would point to upcoming labor. I was convinced that my labors always start during the night, so I made the conclusion that my little boy wasn’t going to come on March 15th either, it would just go by like any other day this week. I noticed a feeling of disappointment. When I noticed my husband was awake too, I asked him to pray for me. After he did that, I felt stronger and asked the Holy Spirit to reveal any lies I had been believing. I realized that I needed to be reconciled to the Lord, my husband, and even my soon-to-be-born son.
When I woke up that morning I found small wisps of blood on my toilet paper and again some parts of the mucus plug, that kept coming every time I went to the bathroom. At 10 AM we went to my midwife for my weekly check, with still nothing else going on, and my midwife also told me it could still take some more time, days or even weeks. But around 1:30 PM I felt some Braxton Hicks contractions, and around 3 PM I decided to download an app to count the contractions. They were about three minutes apart and lasted 50 seconds. My husband came downstairs around 3:30 PM, and I told him that this could be it. In the next hour, I noticed I could no longer talk through the contractions and needed to focus. We had some friends pick up our kids at 4:30 and my husband notified my midwife that it was time to get the baby out!
My midwife arrived and we went upstairs, she checked me and I was at 5 cm dilated. My midwife knew about my quick dilation from the other births so she said: “okay, I’m staying and we will wait until you feel like pushing.” So I went on catching my contractions, by leaning on my bed. And in between the contractions, I was having a good time chatting with my midwife about my other births and about all that I learned from Karen in this group. In this hour I also found that squatting near the corner of my bed was a nice position too (one knee to each side of the bed and then leaning on the bed). My midwife suggested massaging my lower back to ease the back labor I was experiencing.
The maternity nurse arrived around 6:30 pm. When she arrived she asked some quick, but annoying questions, I noticed I wasn’t in the mood of chatting anymore. I wanted to rest in between contractions. I also noticed the squatting was tiring my legs and they were becoming shaky, so I sat on the bed in between the contractions. At 7 pm the new midwife came upstairs.
Around 7:45 pm my husband suggested to stand up next to the bed and that he would squat a bit so I could lean on him. So we did that, and the next contraction I felt like pushing, not very strong but strong enough to go with it for a short push. With the next contraction at 19.49 pm, my water broke with a huge pop! It scared me for a moment, and I immediately wanted back on the bed to recover from that. My midwife checked me and already saw the head. The next contraction I fully pushed when I felt it.
After that contraction, my midwife told me to listen closely to her. The next contraction came and my midwife said something like “push – breath – push – breath – push, good there’s the head – breath” and then the contraction was over and the baby’s head was crowning. Ouch!
Midwife: “try to fully relax, let your legs fall to the side”. And I remember my mind going back and forth from “I don’t want this” to “trust, you can do this, almost there”, but I never panicked. Yaaay! I wasn’t scared! I didn’t like it either, but I wasn’t scared!!!
When I was following the classes and heard a testimony of a woman who took her child by herself while she gave birth, I totally wanted this for myself too, so I put it in my birth plan, if I have the guts to do that in such an intense moment then I want that too. So the next contraction came, “push” – the head was born – “push, if you want to do it, you can take your baby by yourself now!” and I did! My third son, Kilian Luka, was born at 7:55 PM (6 minutes after my water broke, wow!). It was beautiful and felt really empowering to catch my baby by myself.
I love that I really owned this birth. I didn’t allow anything to be robbed or stolen from me in this birth. I love my proud feeling of how I did it. And I love hearing my husband talk about this birth and about how giving birth is the most powerful and the most feminine thing that exists in creation, I love that this birth did not just empower me, but also empowered my husband in how he sees women and births. I loved that God told me the birthdate already at the beginning of my pregnancy. I loved that the birthdate started with reconciliation and resetting my mindset. I loved the chatting part with my midwife. Even though it scared me for a moment, I loved having had the experience of my water breaking by itself. And I also loved the empowering feeling to be able to keep myself calm in my mind when the baby’s head was crowning. And of course, I really love that I was able to reach down and take him by myself!
Kilian Luka (3rd son) born on March 15th, 2019
In the midst of all of this, I cannot describe the amount of peace and comfort that I feel. I am being cradled into Father God’s arms and I am watching this transformation and life grow in ground scorched with grief and pain.
When my daughter crowned I could feel the stretch (ring of fire) and would describe it as the feeling of an Indian rug burn but I knew that I wanted to let it stretch and focused on relaxing.
Instead of countless fearful and helpless hours spent numbed and strapped in bed, at the mercy of the medical staff’s orders, our birth was a joyful, intimate, sacred experience — a powerfully bonding journey for me, for Greg, and for Anna.
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